So, as you embark on a new year of goals to accomplish and self improvement quests, I thought it would be a good time to ask: "When was the last time you just did nothing?" I don't even mean curling up with a good book or puttering around in your jammies on a Saturday. I mean plunking yourself down and watching the fire blaze in your woodstove or sitting in a sunny window and watching the birds.

In my stress programs I help people to recall and re-experience moments that bring them joy, peace or appreciation. Just recalling such experiences is restorative!

One of my best moments to re-experience is the period shortly after the birth of my first child. Those who have cared for infants know, this is hardly a time of "not doing". It was winter, cold and often rainy. My son had been born a bit jaundiced and I was told to leave him naked in the sun and the yellow tinge to his skin would clear up in a few weeks. A blissful number of sunny days finally arrived, but it was still too cold to venture outside in a diaper! I set my rocking chair in a sunny window and rocked my son to sleep over my shoulder. As his body was warmed and healed by the sun, I was given the gift of doing nothing. While he slept, I simply rocked and felt the sun on my own body. To this day, I can recall the delicious warmth of the sun, the weight of my child, the smell of his baby body as I surrendered to being at rest.

If you resist the idea of rest, you are not alone. From every direction we are encouraged to make good use of our time, to be efficient and productive. For some, the closest we get to rest is zoning out in front of the TV. Yet, I think we are missing some of the restorative nature of true rest.

Would you like to give rest a try? Look for inspiration from your animal companions. They will teach you what it means to rest. Or try putting a hammock or lounge chair out in the sun. Just sip some water or tea and watch the world go by. Think of it as an easy and free way to re-charge your battery.

By the way... I would love to hear about your adventures with the resorative power of rest. Please send your comments to laurie@joyinside.net.

What does this have to do with feelings? Well, we have a wonderful world of emotions in our experience of the world. As parents, we are responsible for teaching children about their feelings. When we help kids to know that the experience they are having can be described, named and learned from, we are giving them one of the most valuable tools they have available to them as human beings. Validating feelings gives children a feeling vocabulary.

Our feelings give us information. They help us to know what we don't want and what we DO want. As parents we may be guilty of trying to talk our kids out of their feelings.

Michael says to his mom "I hate my brother. He is a whiny baby!" And what does mother say? "Of course you don't hate David. He is your little brother and you love him. Remember how you helped me feed him yesterday?" Mom may be trying to help, but she is teaching Michael not to trust his inner guidance. In fact, he may be really confused by what he hears.

An alternative way for Mom to respond would be to validate Michael's feelings, helping him to more clearly describe his confusion about David. She will also help him to clarify what he wants. Here is what she might say: "It sounds like you are really angry at David for crying and taking my attention away from you. When he whines you and I get interrupted. That is annoying isn't it? I appreciate you letting me know how you feel. Do you have an idea about what would help? What you are wanting from me?"

Sure, Mom has to think on her feet a little more, but with practice this becomes second nature. Here is how to make it easy in 3 steps:
1.Guess at what the message is behind the words & Give some descriptive words to what your child might be feeling
2.Acknowledge the discomfort s/he might be feeling & Appreciate the efforts to communicate
3.Ask how you can help