The best way to get more of the good stuff is to put all of your attention on what you already have. This isn't some Pollyanna, denial philosophy. The therapy room, support group or occasional gripe session with a friend are good places to release your unhappy thoughts and difficult experiences.

However, on a daily basis, you will find you feel happier and more appreciative of your life, family, work, community and so on, if you focus on gratitude.

In Forgive For Good by Frederic Luskin, there is a great recommendation: Tell your painful story once, twice, then work on letting it go. He teaches wonderful ways to release suffering and stress and find peace around the most painful things.

One good way to shift your focus from negative to grateful is to bring your attention to a happy or joyful memory. The Institute of HeartMath has great mind/body/spirit approaches to shifting your perceptions. The methods they teach are a great way to come into your appreciations mind set, via focus on the heart. The heart actually has its own separate brain, which is wise and intuitive. Check the HeartMath materials out and be amazed!

Here are some ways to change the tone at home or work without being judgmental:

• Find a like minded friend to get together and say "gratitudes" each morning
• Start a trend at work with an appreciation board where folks can hang anonymous positive remarks
• Find a coin on the ground? Pick it up and rejoice aloud. Start a special fund with it and add "windfalls" as they arrive
• Check out The HeartMath Solution by Doc Childre or other Heartmath materials

Cultivating an attitude of gratitude is a great tool on the path of living Your Authentic Life!

For the next week, keep two tally sheets. One list holds a tally mark for every reminder or correction you made to your child. The other is a list of times you said "Thank you" or appreciated them for doing something they were supposed to do or being kind or helpful. (Watch out for backhanded compliments- "Thanks for finally picking up your dirty socks")

Amber likes to have friends over and bake cookies. They often forget to clean up, leave dishes in the family room and forget to put staples, like milk, on the grocery list when they use it all up. Her folks have had to remind her to do these things. She promises she will, but still forgets sometimes.

This week she baked a banana bread, cleaned up most of the dishes and told her mom they were out of bananas. Instead of reminding her that she didn't write it down and pointing out the bread pan in the sink, her mom said the following: "Amber, thanks for using up those bananas. You know how I hate to see stuff go to waste. And Honey, I appreciate that you and your friends cleaned up the kitchen today. It made it easy for us to get dinner going on time."

Later, her dad thanked her for the great snack she had made. Amber said "Sure!' then "Oh, I forgot to put bananas on the list." and went over to write it down.

Appreciations are a great way to encourage kids and adults to continue to improve. When people feel appreciated they naturally want to do more to help out and contribute. When we criticize, we help them to stay discouraged, want to give up, or they may feel misunderstood and hurt. Everyone wants to be recognized for what they do. Some people like a small comment or note. Others may prefer public appreciations.

If you have a story about how simply adding appreciations to your conversations has helped a relationship, please e mail it to me and I will do my best to get it into a follow up article.

If you are intrigued by divination and collage or just committed to personal growth, this workshop is for you!
The power of this process will blow you away. Just beginning to think about making your cards will initiate profound changes in the way you view your life experiences. Making these cards and sharing them is truly a blessing.

Michael Ortiz Hill, author, teacher and healer, developed the "amor fati" deck (translation: To love one's fate). This workshop adapts his teaching into an experiential workshop that will get you well on your way to making and using your personal deck. Follow up support will also be available in the form of individual appointments or group gatherings.I am also working with Michael Ortiz Hill on a personal appearance here, in Santa Rosa.

Experience 7 information packed hours for $90*
DATE: Saturday, December 9, 2006
TIME: 10AM to 5PM
LOCATION: Santa Rosa, CA
*Sliding Scale Available Upon Request

I have supported women on their unique journeys to create a feminine spiritual path that they can resonate with. I offer individual support and consultation for those on an unfolding spiritual path. Presentations, groups, workshops and ritual making are all available to those who feel curious or called to honor the feminine in their lives.

I now offer phone sessions by appointment. Sessions are available Monday through Thursday. I accept MasterCard and Visa as well as checks and Paypal. Geography need no longer limit your access to working with me!

All Articles Copyrighted by Laurie Stolmaker, MA, MFT 2005-2006
You are welcome to reprint articles in their entirety, as long as you also include this copyright notice.